Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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