she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
