I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
