I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
