Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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