At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
