WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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