how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I could make wine with my vomit
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
