i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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