; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
