No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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