Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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