My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dick very happy bro
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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