We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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