If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
