dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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