Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
