I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
