help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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