When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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