Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
