i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
