i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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