Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
