Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
