How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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