Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
