Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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