1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
