why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
