It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
