roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think my moral compass just broke
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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