Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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