Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
