the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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