it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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