Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
