I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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