I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
