So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
