Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
