apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
