he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
