dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
