Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
