I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
