you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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