Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sorry about my life...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
