Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize