Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
