where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He? As in you personified your dick?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
