Little spoons don't ask big questions
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
